VIP Comedy Skit 1: The Ladies of the Seaview

The Seaview has set sail on a mission with three cleaning ladies still on board.

Three cleaning ladies: ADA, FLO, and the unseen, unheard, Beatty.
(Starring Alwyn Chappell and Pauline Pendrey)

1 Sweeping Brush, 1 Feather Duster, Baggy woolly tights (one pair having a hole in it), overalls, and one torn flowery shirt.

Somewhere on Seaview.

ADA - Admiral Nelson's in a hurry again.

FLO - He might have given us time to get off the boat before he sailed off like this.

ADA - Never mind. Let's finish the cleaning. (Starts to brush the floor.)

FLO - (dusting) You've got a hole in your stocking, Ada.

ADA - I know. I was doing crew's mess when I tripped up over Riley's surfboard.

FLO - Which one's Riley?

ADA - That young one who dashes about shouting 'Dig that fish'.

FLO - Huh! He must be on something.

ADA - (looking around) Where's Beatty?

FLO - Cleaning out the missile room.

ADA - Hope she keeps out of trouble this time.

FLO - Captain Crane was hopping mad with her last time.

ADA - Why?

FLO - She threw out all his charts along with the old newspapers. It took him a week to find his way back to Santa Barbara.

ADA - Admiral Nelson will be pleased when he sees what I have done for him.

FLO - What have you done?

ADA - I heard that he was in the middle of an important chess tournament game. All his chess pieces were on his board so I picked them up and put them back in their box and washed his chess board for him.

FLO - That should please him.

ADA - That sailor they call the girl watcher is on board.

FLO - (Looking Ada up and down) I don't think you need to worry about him.

ADA (Looks around and shouts to Beatty) Are you still in the missile room, Beatty? Stay away from any big cupboards.

FLO - Why?

ADA - Last time she went round opening cupboard doors a great big horrible hairy monster ran out and chased Mr. Morton. It gave him quite a scare.

FLO - I'm surprised he even noticed it.

ADA - Patterson pointed it out to him.

FLO - Chief Sharkey asked me to wash his favourite shirt for him. (She holds up a shirt full of holes.)

ADA - Looks like its luck has run out.

FLO - What's Beatty up to now?

ADA - (Listens) She says she's just cleaning the 'Safe' panel.

FLO - What safe panel?

ADA - She must mean the 'Fail-safe' panel.

BOTH - (Shouting) No! Beatty! Don't push that button . . .

Copyright 1998 by Alwyn Chappell